Flax in the bedroom.
No, I don’t mean linen sheets, though those are nice too.
Remember the mucilaginous flax seed tea? The slippery-slimy flax hair gel?
What does that stuff remind you of?
Come on, now. Don’t be shy.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, gooey flax tea makes a great personal lubricant!
Homemade lube. How cool is that?
I really should have thought of this before. The lovely Vermont herbalist Dana Woodruff mentioned it to me the other day, and I just about smacked myself in the forehead, cartoon-style. Of course! (It’s exactly the texture of . . . well . . . ovulation!)
Dana got the idea from Sheri Winston, sex-ed teacher / retired midwife (and sister to herbalist David Winston). Sheri’s recipe calls for 1 cup of flaxseeds and 6 cups of water, simmered for 6 minutes and left to infuse for 6 more before straining.
My first response to that recipe is that the quantities are way too large (unless you plan to give some away to all your friends). We’re talking about a perishable product here, so I’d suggest making only a cup or two at a time.
And I don’t think you need such a high concentration of flax seeds in the mix, either. A little goes a long way, especially if you simmer it for longer.
Here’s my recipe:
Simmer 1 tablespoon of flax seeds in 1 cup of water until it’s reduced by half (maybe 20 minutes). Strain immediately. (If you let it cool, it’ll be too thick to strain.)
Store it in the fridge when you don’t need it — it’ll only keep for a couple of days unrefrigerated.
You could experiment with scents and flavors — just add herbs or spices to the simmering pot! (Start with small amounts, though — too much of a strong herb or spice could cause burning in sensitive areas. I’d avoid essential oils for the same reason. And though it might be tempting, I’d stay away from sugar, as it can lead to infections.)
According to Sheri, the basic lube is condom-safe (it’s completely water-based). But if you do plan to use it with condoms, be sure not to add any ingredients that might damage the latex — i.e., nothing oily or caustic.
Have fun!
El said,
February 22, 2008 @ 8:25 pm
HILARIOUS as I can completely see this with flax. So thanks! But really, I was rather intrigued about the linen in the bedroom teaser you had made. I lived in France for a while and the sheets on my bed were linen. What was fascinating was my sheets were something like 70 years old, but were amazingly soft and thick and…well. The point of your post puts it well. They were sexy. When I moved back, I had to have some…
But now I know I can resort to my flax supply for other needs!
Michelle said,
February 23, 2008 @ 7:34 am
I’m wondering about shaving creme. Is there a good replacement for it that will work on legs, faces, and heads?
Emilie said,
February 23, 2008 @ 1:27 pm
What spices would you recommend?
How with all of my jokes and mutters about your flax goo could it haven’t taken so long to connect? What’s next? I don’t see why it wouldn’t make a great shaving cream as long as you rinsed your razor often, and squeaky doors– why not? And that lovely sex wax for surf boards: why not use flax for snowboards, leave little snail trails in the snow.
yarrow said,
February 23, 2008 @ 2:29 pm
What a great idea! I just may try it. Thanks.
Angie Goodloe said,
February 24, 2008 @ 10:43 am
Of course! Why didn’t I think of that LOL! I will never look at flax the same way again
Nice post!
crabappleherbs said,
February 25, 2008 @ 5:00 pm
Thanks, all!
Michelle — I sometimes use the flax tea for shaving cream. It doesn’t lather, but it’s very smooth. Plain soap also works well as a shaving cream, though I might not be the right person to ask, as I’m happy to shave with nothing but water.
Emilie — Cinnamon might be nice. Or mint. And yes, you of all people should know how ridiculous it is that I didn’t think of this before. (Will laughed out loud at the image of snowboards leaving snail-trails in the snow.)
Angie — Isn’t it hilarious, and so obvious? Why we all didn’t think of it long ago I have no idea.
Kiva Rose said,
February 27, 2008 @ 1:39 pm
Elm bark works quite well in a very similar way…. Pure ovulation-like goo…
crabappleherbs said,
February 27, 2008 @ 7:48 pm
Interesting, Kiva. You’re using Siberian Elm these days, right?
Kiva Rose said,
February 27, 2008 @ 8:00 pm
yep, though I imagine nearly any Elm would act the same way… I use chopped twigs, and it makes nice clear, mild slime
linnell said,
March 1, 2008 @ 11:00 pm
WOW…I don’t know ow I got here…I was just looking for Under Flax pj’s…You just never know all the different uses for things…Have Fun…
Jan S. said,
March 4, 2008 @ 10:44 am
Fascinating post. I am not sure what multinational owns the maker of KY but I suspect it will be in trouble when the news about slippery flax and elm gets out.
I always love finding simple do it yourself alternatives to commercially made products. This just shows vast the possibilites are.
For me, olive oil is like that. Everything from squeaky hindges to dry hands or chapped skin in addition to cooking, dips and salad dressings.
So . . . what’s up for March?
crabappleherbs said,
March 6, 2008 @ 4:46 pm
Linnell — You never know what you’ll find on the internet, huh?
Jan — March… let’s see… I want to finish my common sense eating series, and review a few food books. And I want to write about wild greens.
Urban Herbwife said,
March 10, 2008 @ 3:31 pm
And to think I’ve just been using it in my porridge!
Jac said,
March 21, 2008 @ 8:46 pm
Must confess… I did think this as I made the gel for hair. It is very lube-like, I thought, ”if I ever need something to help out when…. you know ”… Off to blush-ville, lol!
Barb said,
April 6, 2008 @ 9:23 pm
Thats so cool Im gona try this